PINK

Because you know what, I am a girl. I was bought up just like my brothers until a certain age. And then it all changed. I couldn't sit with my legs spread apart. I had to cross them. It might seem like an insignificant difference to you, but to me, it was and is a big deal. It served as a reminder day after day that my virtue lay between my legs.

Starting with high school, I was labelled a slut because I only spoke to the 'rich kids'. Here is my side of the story. I had just shifted to a co-ed from an all girls school and boys made me uncomfortable. Slowly, I did begin to speak to the boys that did not make me feel uncomfortable or those that weren't too pushy. I spoke to them based on my judgement of their behaviour towards me and other girls. not on their bank balance. Yet, since I didn't talk to a lot of guys who wanted to talk to me, I was somehow a slut. I didn't realize I owed an justification to those boys that I didn't want to talk to.

And before I started dating my ex-boyfriend, we used to hang out all time. Sometimes, late at night. His friend once told me that 'decent, good girls from reputed families' don't hang out with boys this late at night. And that's why his opinion was that I was not a decent girl. Yet, he didn't judge the boy I hung out with who was sitting right across the table when this happened. I guess it never occurred to me that I had to justify my character based on who I was hanging out with at which time.

Fast forward to the time I went to meet a guy whose 'rishta' had come for me. While he had already pushed the boundaries, I still went to meet him since 'maybe I was over-reacting and should give him a chance'. He then proceeded to ask me at what age I had lost my virginity and how had I trusted someone enough to do so. Followed by asking me to remove my jacket so he could see if I was fat or not. I hated having to justify my gut feelings and instincts.While he had clearly disrespected me and my choices earlier, I felt I owed him a meeting since the advice I received from my guy friends was that I was quick in judging him and might have been 'over reacting'.

Over reacting? A term I had heard enough times at my work life, especially from the men in my life. While I mentioned feeling uncomfortable at a work place when someone was making unwanted advances towards me at a work place, I was told that I was exaggerating. All because, he was a 'decent man'. And that makes us so paranoid. I have asked myself if I was over reacting when I was clearly put in a situation where I was extremely uncomfortable. Why is it that we girls have to second guess our feelings especially those of discomfort all because men (or even other women) don't understand it. I've seen guys discuss a girls assets, boast about their one night stands and turn around and ask their girl friends why they are over reacting when a guy gives them attention? The key fact that it is unwanted attention is completely ignored.

Notice the patterns? Men for some reason are taught that they are entitled to women and their bodies. They have the right to pass judgement on their characters and escape being labelled by those same parameters. Of course, a guy is a player and a girl is a slut. A guy is friendly and the girl is a tease. A guy is having fun and a girl is being cheap. And it's not only the guys that do this. We girls judge other girls too. I have been guilty of labeling a girl a slut way easier than I have judged guys for the same.

So what gives people the right to pass judgement on a girl if she wears short clothes? No one judges a boy for wearing shorts. But God forbid a girl wearing short clothes, of course that's her asking for attention from boys. There is no way she could be dressing for herself. And if she has had a sexual past, enjoys sex or talking about it, she is easy. She is unladylike-like and a slut. Her career choice, what time she stays out till, who her friends are, the length of her clothes, her hair, how much make-up she uses. Every little detail of her life is scrutinized.

Please get this right. You can make me uncomfortable. I can wear short clothes, for me. I can have short hair, wear too much make up, or too little. I dress up for me. Not for someone else. I can be just as good as a guy at my job, sometimes even better. My career choice has nothing to do with my gender. I chose it because I love what I do and I shouldn't have to justify that. In fact, I shouldn't have to justify any of it. Why I am comfortable with someone, why someone makes me uncomfortable, the length of my clothes, who I hang out with, my career choices, what time I get home, how many drinks I had. I don't have to justify any aspect of my life to anyone.

It begins with us. With the mothers and grandmothers who need to teach their families that a girl and boy are equal. With the girls who judge other girls and who don't say a word when they hear guys discussing the assets. With you. And with me. It begins with us, and ends with us too.